Help please, I need some help here folks.
It seems that lately my life has been getting more complicated, and I want to thank those of you who are brave enough to still associate with me regardless of what I have become.
The following is a recap of my current identity:
I was born a white male, which makes me a racist.
I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which makes me a fascist.
I am heterosexual, which makes me a homophobe.
I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.
I am a Christian, which makes me an infidel.
I am older than 75 and retired, which makes me a useless old man.
I think and I reason; therefore, I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which makes me a reactionary.
I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.
I value my safety and that of my family; therefore, I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.
I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which makes me anti-socialist.
I acquired a good education without student loans and no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of odd underachiever.
I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland by all citizens, which makes me a militarist.
Please help me come to terms with this, because I‘m not sure who I am anymore!
Newest problem – I’m not sure which bathroom I should use.
Help me please, Jim Bathurst